So Much More Than Chemo

I have to be honest. I didn't plan to write about God on this blog. That's not what this was supposed to be about. So who would have thought, six months later, my plot to beat this thing would be such a spiritual journey? A reconnection with faith. A family reunion. A new understanding. A new confidence. A new strength. Who would have thought people who were once strangers days ago would pause their busy lives to stop and unite and pray for me? Who would have thought I'd gain such a burning desire to become a resource, someone who uses her first-hand knowledge with cancer to help comfort and help support other cancer-fighters? (Speaking of that - please keep another cancer fighter, Emma J., in your prayers as well.) Who would have thought I would have first-hand experience with an illness that always seemed so dark and mysterious and sad to me? Who would have thought that dozens of people would call to meditate on the Lord's word through a prayer call set up by a friend I met as a care-free freshman in college? Who would have thought her family would prop me up so wonderfully, claiming victory and offering kindness and support? Who would have thought that my husband would be so unbelievably tall to me - that my head would fit on his shoulders so perfectly? Who would have foreseen a son - a walking, talking, smiling piece of our heart designed to remind us of God's awesome powers and to remind us to fight to no end. Who would have planned for me to be surrounded by Dads when my biggest secret is that I don't know my father? Who would have given me a mother who smothers me with love? Only someone who never wanted me to doubt that I'm special. Who would have kept me healthy for 30 years? Only someone who saw my battle coming and wanted me to be prepared. I just shake my head. It was all part of a master plan. I can't tell you all the ways it's clear to me this victory has already been written. I'd be here all night and I haven't even yet detected it all. All i know is Jeremiah 29:11 is the theme song.  Lord, you made me healthy so that I'd be ready to fight. You gave me family every way you could - through church, through marriage, through friendships - to remind me that I'm not alone and to enhance my strength and to guide me. You gave me a son when I wondered if I could have one. You gave me a Dad when I needed one. You gave me my soul-mate early in life so that our marriage would be well past the appetizer stage and strong enough to handle the entree you had in store for us. There are no voids for me. You gave me people who knew you. Who would have known that it might come in handy for my father in-law, as part of his career, to have first-hand experience with oncology? Who would have thought I would have a pastor that provides such a deep testimony for me? Who would have thought I'd have such a strong mother-in-law who has overcome her own battle - through faith? I like to be in control, but I didn't control this. I like to write, but I couldn't have written this plot. This was written well before I knew it. I'm passively reading and learning. And I'm in awe. I hope I can do it justice when i tell it over and over again. 


I'll try to write from the hospital. I won't be feeling good. So I might not be so upbeat. But I do know I will get better and my plot to beat this thing will continue. It's just not really my plot.  It's my story, my life, my spiritual journey. But God is completely in control. Who else could have authored this? Who else has the literary technique to add in such foreshadowing and irony and symbolism to my life's story? I never set out to pray publicly on a blog. I never set out to search for scriptures as part of my cancer fight. I thought I'd be writing mostly about chemo and side-effects and hair loss. That's part of my story too. But that's not what's on my heart. There's so much more than I knew to this plot.