More old hair pics. Already reminiscing. I'll probably aim to return to more natural styles rather than getting it pressed. We'll see ...

Relay For Life

One of my best friends is organizing a team for The American Cancer Society Relay For Life in Maryland in June. It's an event that gives everyone a chance to celebrate the lives of people who are have or are battling cancer - whether through a monetary gift or actually participating in the relay.  Check out this link about our team, Team Victory!: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/teamvictory

Hair

I have a few weeks to say goodbye to my hair. During my transplant or shortly after, it'll most likely be gone. Makes me anxious just thinking about it. Right now, I just pull it in a bun. It's thinning, but it's still here. In a few weeks, that won't be the case. So I need to start searching for headscarves, hats and maybe do some more wig-shopping ( I got a gorgeous one with my mom but still haven't worn it. But the time is a comin. I might also look for a shorter one so I have options.) It seems frivolous and shallow to worry about my appearance when my focus is on beating cancer. But I do. As a woman who never expected to be dealing with cancer 3 months after her 30th birthday, all of the changes I'm going through are hard. When you look sick, I think it's easier to feel sick.When  my sisters and I were younger, we had tons of long, thick hair. It would take a whole Saturday for my mom to wash our hair, comb out the maze of tangles, blow dry it and plait it. We were all ready to take a nap afterward. For boys, everything's different. My brother would get to play outside while my tender-headed youngest sister who hated getting her hair combed sat in front of my mom screaming at the thought of the comb touching her long, wavy red hair. So there are memories there.We even had a barrette bag full of all kinds of scrunchies, headbands and barrettes for all us all to share. I've always appreciated my hair. And I've always experimented with it. I've rocked an ultra-short natural style; a wanna-be Halley Berry cut; twists; and in high school, an asymmetrical bob. And right after college, I even thought about dread locks. Right before my diagnoses, I went to a salon regularly to get it straightened. And so it appeared thin and straight and easy to manage. But my hair's natural texture is actually curly and thick and pretty strong. Every now and then, I used to try to shock my husband by washing my hair and blow drying it and combing it out into a huge Afro. He'd laugh but he always complimented me when he saw my hair in its most natural state. Now, I'm getting prepared to start over. Part of me is saying Bring it On. And the other part just hopes I'm okay with the new, temporary me. It would make things so much easier. Lord knows I don't want to spend more time than I need to focused on how I look.

Blessings

I'm up early this Saturday morning. Went to Baltimore for another treatment yesterday. And as usual, the drugs leave me with a tired body but a mind that just won't stop running. Ultimately, my mind usually wins, so I've decided to get up and write or read or do something to keep it happy. Today, I figured I'd count my blessings, in no particular order.

Blessing #1:  My family. My husband. My son. It's such a blessing that I met my husband pretty early (we were freshmen in college) and that we got married kinda early (at 24). And that we had our son. This would be so much harder without them. It's another sign that God has a plan and things happen that you don't even realize are blessings until you're later blessed with new information that helps put things in perspective. I didn't think I could be even more grateful for my marriage and the birth of my son. But I am. I'm so much more thankful. On top of that, we have parents and brothers and sisters on both sides of our families who are all truly special people who have helped us in so many ways. Trips to D.C. Donations to the American Cancer Society. Books. Bible verses. Prayers. The list goes on. But, as I keep saying, the biggest blessing is just being able to take comfort in the fact that people are pulling for us and praying for us and there to help us through whatever we may need.

Blessing #2. An extraordinarily strong group of friends and co-workers. Between my family and my close friends, I have what I like to call "an army of angels." who have been a great support. Friends have sent all kinds of cards, books, and advice. They've organized prayer calls that have included people all across the country who just want to help make sure I have the comfort and peace of mind I need to get through this thing. And nothing about any of the people in this army is normal. They're all extraordinary and special, and I'm lucky to know them. 

Blessing #3. My job. My husband's job. Our house. Our car. Health insurance.

Blessing #4. My relationship with God. I got baptized in Atlanta. I guess I was 9 or 10 and it wasn't like they just sprinkled some water on my head. My pastor asked, "Do you accept Jesus as your personal savior?" My sisters and I said yes. And then they actually dunked us under water, in a pool inside the church. We came up with water running down our face, were handed towels, and then, everybody clapped and said, "Amen." I think we got cookies or something afterward. I've always felt God and had a desire to be closer to him. On days, we didn't go to church, I would make my little sisters sit down in my room as I tried to lead a  Sunday school class. All I knew was the 23rd Psalm. The Lord is my shepherd ... But the fact that I like Psalm 23 and know it is also a blessing because there's so much in there about my current situation - specifically, the part about God making you lay down in green pastures. I think God wants me to be at peace and to grow closer to him and sometimes you have to slow down to really become stronger. I might not have done it on my own. Now, I'm trying to become more familiar with the bible. It's hard and it might take me a while to really feel like I understand it. But I feel so much better reading it and studying it in ways I didn't really do before.

Blessing #5. A strong body. I have a horrible illness but I feel healthy. It doesn't seem like the two go together. How can you be sick and healthy? Well, first of all, I don't really think of myself as sick. I have cancer, a horrible disease, but I'll probably never say, "I am sick." For me, that phrase conjures up a picture of me weak and tired, in bed, unable to move. In my eyes, that's not what I am. That's not how I feel now and I'm careful about what I call myself. I have an illness, but I don't feel so sick. Now, while I'm in the hospital for my stem cell transplant, that's another story. I'll feel sicker than I've ever felt in my life. I'll be sick for weeks -actually, months. But I will get better. Some people have other gripes. For instance, they don't like to be called cancer patients. I don't mind that. I am that. But something about describing myself as sick in the midst of my battle to beat this thing seems counterproductive. And I'm so much more than sick. I am happy. I am strong. I am blessed. I am hopeful. Maybe if I put "I am sick" way, WAY down at the bottom of the list about what I am, I'd be okay with it. But it's definitely not the first way to describe me. Plus, I still have a lot to do, whether I have cancer or not.

Cancer hasn't slowed  me down as much as I thought. I might not be able to run even a mile. But I'm still able to run away from my toddler when he decides to throw on a blanket and turn into this "dragon-monster" and threaten me with a magic stick.

Another Bone Marrow Test Behind Me ... literally

That's me yesterday on the way to get another bone marrow test. I was smiling, trying to take a quick pic before I left the house for Baltimore. But really, I was so anxious. The last bone marrow biopsy didn't go so well. The doc stuck me three times because he couldn't get a good sample. I was curled up in a ball with my back to the doctor and my face to the wall. I just sucked it up, held still, and cried silently. But it was very painful. I'm happy to say that this time around it wasn't so bad. I almost cried afterward because I was so relieved. It was nothing like the first one. I felt some stinging, but it was pretty quick and manageable. And that's good news. Because I'm sure more are in my future.

Ok. I think I'm addicted to cancer books. I know. It's so not sexy. But it's true. I can't put them down. I've set up a little haven in my room. I have candles on my desk, my prayer shawl on the back of my chair (a church group made it for me as they prayed. love it!), and a stack of books full of stories about cancer survivors and tips for beating cancer and information on chemotherapy. It's comforting. And when I get a new cancer book in the mail, I get giddy, hoping there's some tidbit of advice or data that helps me in some way. Having books around me just makes me feel better. Maybe it's because I'm realizing that cancer is way too common and as a reporter, I naturally want to learn as much as I can about this disease and serve as a resource to others. This thing has to be stopped. Is it our diet? the chemicals we use? our stressful lives? What's causing this thing? Who knows. But reading makes me feel a little better about it all. I guess I'm just trying to make sense of it all.

Anticancer Foods

Growing up, I always wanted to be a doctor. I was always very interested in reading about nutrition and health even if I didn't follow all the rules. I even majored in biology in college. But with the help of an intense and dreadful chemistry class, I later decided I wanted to be a journalist more than I wanted to go to med school. Now, though, I have an excuse to really study up on nutrition. Even though I already have cancer, there are so many kinds of fruits and vegetables I should eat more of to boost the efficacy of my treatments and to keep the cancer cells at bay once I get better. Last week, I received a book called Cancer-Fighting Kitchen. It's got me amped up about eating more oatmeal and vegetables and fresh guacamole and bean soups. I'm also ready to experiment with more herbs and spices. Based on what I've read so far, here are some foods I'm going to try to eat more of (in addition to drinking tons and tons of water to flush out the chemo toxins from my body):

Fruit: Apples, Strawberries, Bananas, Blueberries, Tomatoes, Cantaloupe, Cranberries, Cherries, Limes, Oranges, Papaya, Pineapple, Raisins, Coconut Milk, Mango

Beans, Chickpeas, Brown rice

Nuts and Oils: Walnuts, Almonds, Olive Oil

Dairy: Plain yogurt

Veggies: Celery, Carrots, Onion, Potatoes, Asparagus, Broccoli, Corn, Kale, Leeks, Mushrooms, Spinach, Bell Pepper

Herbs and Spices: Basil, Bay Leaf, Black Pepper, Cardamom, Cayenne, Chili flakes, Cilantro, Coriander, Cinnamon, Cloves, Cumin, Garlic, Mint, Nutmeg, Oregano, Parsley, Rosemary, Saffron, Lemongrass, Sage, Thyme, Tumeric, Sea Salt (more minerals than regular salt.)

Sweets: Chocolate, agave nectar, honey, Maple Syrup Grade B

Fish: Halibut, Salmon

Meanwhile, I just read the introduction to another book called Anticancer. It's already reminding me to back off the white flour and white sugar. It points out that a recent study by the World Cancer Research Fund found that at least 40% of cancers can be prevented by simple changes in nutrition and physical activity. I've tried to eat pretty healthy over the years and I don't think my bone disease has that much to do with nutrition. But as a southern girl, I do occasionally enjoy fried chicken and macaroni and cheese and cakes and pies. And here's some southern honesty: I'm not planning to completely cut those out of my diet. What I will do, though, is hold on to those things in moderation while working to make sure the majority of the food I eat is healthy food. I was already trying to work on that and now I have a really good excuse to stay on that path.

No Green Tea For Me :(

This is an interesting article from www.newscientist.com:


Green tea supplements stop cancer drug working
06 February 2009 by Rachel Nowak

Green tea enjoys a positive association with health, so it's not surprising that many cancer patients drink it or take green tea supplements. But that may not be wise if you are being treated for certain types of blood cancer with bortezomib, which is sold under the brand name Velcade.

Chemicals in green tea called polyphenols - and in particular a potent and abundant one referred to as EGCG - can inactivate the drug, according to a new study.

"We saw 100% inactivation of Velcade at levels easily achieved by patients who take green tea supplements, and possibly those who drink large amounts of tea," says cancer biologist Axel Schönthal of the University of Southern California in Los Angeles, who led the study.

Supplement capsules

Green tea supplements are available in health food stores in the US in capsules containing up to 50 times as much polyphenol as a single cup of tea. They have already been blamed in liver and kidney damage.

Velcade is used to treat multiple myeloma, the second most common blood cancer. It kills cancer cells through a process called apoptosis.

Hoping to discover possible beneficial effects of green tea on cancer treatments, the Schönthal team treated mice with human multiple myeloma tumours with different combinations of EGCG and Velcade. To their surprise, tumour apoptosis was blocked rather than enhanced in mice that were given Velcade and EGCG together.

EGCG concentrations of 2 to 5 micromoles per litre - typical of blood levels in people who take supplements - also totally blocked Velcade's ability to kill multiple myeloma cells in lab dishes.

Drug blocked

When the team analysed the biochemical interaction between the two compounds they discovered that EGCG interacts with a boronic acid unit, which forms part of the Velcade molecule, preventing the drug binding to its target in the cancer cell. No other approved cancer drug contains a similar chemical unit, but several that are under investigation do contain it, says Schönthal.

"It's really nice work. But green tea as a drink is clearly different to a supplement where any potentially adverse effects will be magnified, so it may be overkill to tell people not to drink green tea, at least in moderation," says blood cancer researcher Simon Harrison of the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre in Melbourne, Australia.

The finding may help explain why Velcade is ineffective in roughly one-third of patients, a peculiarity that in the UK has led to a novel funding scheme in which health agencies only pay for the expensive treatment when it works.

"It's speculation but perhaps the therapeutic efficacy of Velcade would have been higher if all the patients had abstained from green tea," says Schönthal.

He also suggests that patients on Velcade who take a green tea supplement may find that it reduces the drug's side effects, such as extreme fatigue. This might encourage them to continue take the supplement, when in fact the side effects might be less marked only because the drug is not working.

Journal reference: Blood, DOI: 10.1182/blood-2008-07-171389

The Power of Writing

An old but interesting NYT story about how writing seems to help cancer patients. I can definitely relate to the quote in the last line:


FEBRUARY 26, 2008, 3:50 PM
The Power of Words for Cancer Patients

By TARA PARKER-POPE
Keeping a journal may improve the lives of cancer patients. (Angel Franco/The New York Times)
When my mother was first diagnosed with cancer, she did something she had never done before. She started to write down her feelings.

My mother had always been too busy for something she felt was as indulgent as keeping a journal, but in the early days of her cancer diagnosis, she found that writing down her thoughts helped her cope with the prospect of dying.

This month, a medical journal confirms what many cancer patients intuitively know. Expressive writing, which involves writing down your deepest thoughts and feelings, may improve the quality of life for cancer patients, according to a new report in The Oncologist.

Previous research conducted in controlled laboratory experiments has suggested that expressive writing helps physical and psychological well-being. However, the recent study was a real-world experiment, conducted in the waiting rooms of an oncology practice.

Researchers from the Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center in Washington, D.C., studied the effects of expressive writing on 71 adults with leukemia or lymphoma who journaled their thoughts while waiting for their regular oncology appointments. The patients were asked to write their thoughts in answer to the question: How has cancer changed you, and how do you feel about those changes?

After the writing assignment, about half of the cancer patients said the exercise had changed their thinking about their illness, while 35 percent reported that writing changed the way they felt about their illness. Three weeks after the writing exercise, the effect had been maintained. Writing had the biggest impact on patients who were younger and recently diagnosed. While a change in the way a patient thinks or feels about a disease may not sound like much, the findings showed that the brief writing exercise led to improved quality of life.

“Thoughts and feelings, or the cognitive processing and emotions related to cancer, are key writing elements associated with health benefits,” said Nancy P. Morgan, director of the center’s Arts and Humanities Program. “Writing about only the facts has shown no benefit.”

The researchers also analyzed the content of the patient writings. Most of the patients noted that cancer had been life-changing. Many patients wrote that the changes were positive ones and that cancer had altered their views about family, spirituality, work and the future. One patient wrote: “Don’t get me wrong, cancer isn’t a gift, it just showed me what the gifts in my life are.”

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Special Picture

Every time I get down, something happens to remind me of my blessings. I get anxious about starting another round of chemo, and then I receive a picture of my husband and me with President Barack Obama and the first lady. As a reporter in D.C., it's easy to take things for granted. For instance, I didn't get excited the first time I was in the Oval Office because I was scrambling, trying to take notes and trying to make sure my recorder was working. But being at the White House for a holiday party the night before starting my first round of chemo easily stands out as something special, and seeing the picture that captures it all helps put me at ease. I wasn't distracted by work. I was on a very special date with my husband, listening to jazz and eating seafood, sushi (Can you believe the Obama's had sushi at their holiday party? It was good, though.) and cookies (which we brought back home for our son). I was weak and anemic and didn't think I'd feel like pulling myself together. But I'm so glad it worked out. It was a blessing to have that kind of access to the president even if the moment lasted about 2 minutes - just enough time to take the picture and for me to point out that my husband is also from Chi-town. Woops, did I say Chi-town? I meant to say Naperville. I might have told a white lie to the president. It was also a blessing to have some much-needed one-on-one time with my husband before starting treatment. It was definitely a date to remember. It was also a blessing to be able to pray with friends and family last night before heading to Baltimore for treatment this morning. Yesterday, I was starting to feel overwhelmed. Today, I feel refreshed.

March 1

It's only been one month since my diagnosis, but it feels like forever. Today, I'm a little anxious as I try to digest all of the steps I need to take over the next few months. I'm on track to go to the hospital for my stem cell transplant on March 1. But there are a lot of steps I need to take between now and then before I get to that point. There are more tests, more drugs, more procedures. It's a little overwhelming. As I take in what's going on, I don't really ask, "Why Me?" But I do ask, "Why Cancer." More specifically, I ask: "Why this kind of cancer?" Plasma cell leukemia??!? It accounts for less than 1% of all cancers. Chemotherapy has proven insufficient for this kind of disease which is why my transplant is so important. "How?" is probably the most common question that pops in my head. "How did I get this?" But I don't have the energy to really try to come up with ideas. At this point, I don't even really care. I gotta focus on treatment and moving forward, not on what got me here. I'm still very upbeat about the final outcome. And I know I'll beat this thing. At the same time, the reality of what I have to do is starting to settle in. And I have no choice, no control. Nobody asked me if I wanted to fight this battle. Even after the transplant, I have two months of recovery and more tests and more treatment. Okay, I'm done complaining. Just needed to vent. Let Go and Let God? That's what I'll try to work on.