Hair

I have a few weeks to say goodbye to my hair. During my transplant or shortly after, it'll most likely be gone. Makes me anxious just thinking about it. Right now, I just pull it in a bun. It's thinning, but it's still here. In a few weeks, that won't be the case. So I need to start searching for headscarves, hats and maybe do some more wig-shopping ( I got a gorgeous one with my mom but still haven't worn it. But the time is a comin. I might also look for a shorter one so I have options.) It seems frivolous and shallow to worry about my appearance when my focus is on beating cancer. But I do. As a woman who never expected to be dealing with cancer 3 months after her 30th birthday, all of the changes I'm going through are hard. When you look sick, I think it's easier to feel sick.When  my sisters and I were younger, we had tons of long, thick hair. It would take a whole Saturday for my mom to wash our hair, comb out the maze of tangles, blow dry it and plait it. We were all ready to take a nap afterward. For boys, everything's different. My brother would get to play outside while my tender-headed youngest sister who hated getting her hair combed sat in front of my mom screaming at the thought of the comb touching her long, wavy red hair. So there are memories there.We even had a barrette bag full of all kinds of scrunchies, headbands and barrettes for all us all to share. I've always appreciated my hair. And I've always experimented with it. I've rocked an ultra-short natural style; a wanna-be Halley Berry cut; twists; and in high school, an asymmetrical bob. And right after college, I even thought about dread locks. Right before my diagnoses, I went to a salon regularly to get it straightened. And so it appeared thin and straight and easy to manage. But my hair's natural texture is actually curly and thick and pretty strong. Every now and then, I used to try to shock my husband by washing my hair and blow drying it and combing it out into a huge Afro. He'd laugh but he always complimented me when he saw my hair in its most natural state. Now, I'm getting prepared to start over. Part of me is saying Bring it On. And the other part just hopes I'm okay with the new, temporary me. It would make things so much easier. Lord knows I don't want to spend more time than I need to focused on how I look.