Blessings

I'm up early this Saturday morning. Went to Baltimore for another treatment yesterday. And as usual, the drugs leave me with a tired body but a mind that just won't stop running. Ultimately, my mind usually wins, so I've decided to get up and write or read or do something to keep it happy. Today, I figured I'd count my blessings, in no particular order.

Blessing #1:  My family. My husband. My son. It's such a blessing that I met my husband pretty early (we were freshmen in college) and that we got married kinda early (at 24). And that we had our son. This would be so much harder without them. It's another sign that God has a plan and things happen that you don't even realize are blessings until you're later blessed with new information that helps put things in perspective. I didn't think I could be even more grateful for my marriage and the birth of my son. But I am. I'm so much more thankful. On top of that, we have parents and brothers and sisters on both sides of our families who are all truly special people who have helped us in so many ways. Trips to D.C. Donations to the American Cancer Society. Books. Bible verses. Prayers. The list goes on. But, as I keep saying, the biggest blessing is just being able to take comfort in the fact that people are pulling for us and praying for us and there to help us through whatever we may need.

Blessing #2. An extraordinarily strong group of friends and co-workers. Between my family and my close friends, I have what I like to call "an army of angels." who have been a great support. Friends have sent all kinds of cards, books, and advice. They've organized prayer calls that have included people all across the country who just want to help make sure I have the comfort and peace of mind I need to get through this thing. And nothing about any of the people in this army is normal. They're all extraordinary and special, and I'm lucky to know them. 

Blessing #3. My job. My husband's job. Our house. Our car. Health insurance.

Blessing #4. My relationship with God. I got baptized in Atlanta. I guess I was 9 or 10 and it wasn't like they just sprinkled some water on my head. My pastor asked, "Do you accept Jesus as your personal savior?" My sisters and I said yes. And then they actually dunked us under water, in a pool inside the church. We came up with water running down our face, were handed towels, and then, everybody clapped and said, "Amen." I think we got cookies or something afterward. I've always felt God and had a desire to be closer to him. On days, we didn't go to church, I would make my little sisters sit down in my room as I tried to lead a  Sunday school class. All I knew was the 23rd Psalm. The Lord is my shepherd ... But the fact that I like Psalm 23 and know it is also a blessing because there's so much in there about my current situation - specifically, the part about God making you lay down in green pastures. I think God wants me to be at peace and to grow closer to him and sometimes you have to slow down to really become stronger. I might not have done it on my own. Now, I'm trying to become more familiar with the bible. It's hard and it might take me a while to really feel like I understand it. But I feel so much better reading it and studying it in ways I didn't really do before.

Blessing #5. A strong body. I have a horrible illness but I feel healthy. It doesn't seem like the two go together. How can you be sick and healthy? Well, first of all, I don't really think of myself as sick. I have cancer, a horrible disease, but I'll probably never say, "I am sick." For me, that phrase conjures up a picture of me weak and tired, in bed, unable to move. In my eyes, that's not what I am. That's not how I feel now and I'm careful about what I call myself. I have an illness, but I don't feel so sick. Now, while I'm in the hospital for my stem cell transplant, that's another story. I'll feel sicker than I've ever felt in my life. I'll be sick for weeks -actually, months. But I will get better. Some people have other gripes. For instance, they don't like to be called cancer patients. I don't mind that. I am that. But something about describing myself as sick in the midst of my battle to beat this thing seems counterproductive. And I'm so much more than sick. I am happy. I am strong. I am blessed. I am hopeful. Maybe if I put "I am sick" way, WAY down at the bottom of the list about what I am, I'd be okay with it. But it's definitely not the first way to describe me. Plus, I still have a lot to do, whether I have cancer or not.