Today

I'm pretty upbeat and decided to write today.  I've spent the last week a little disappointed. Although I'm recovering from my stem cell transplant very well, my doctor gave me what I took as devastating news: he wants me to undergo a second transplant in June to give my disease a one-two punch and give me a better chance of getting to and staying in complete remission. I have to laugh at that. If God doesn't give you more than you can bear, he must think I'm one strong woman. lol. I haven't quite wrapped my mind around going through all of that again. I initially told the doctor I didn't want to do it. And I was serious. Go through another transplant? Yeah right. I told him I'd rather just move forward on chemotherapy. But that was my knee-jerk response. I'm trying to warm up to the idea ... without feeling depressed about it. The absolute last thing I want to do is go through another transplant - I haven't even fully recovered from the first one! At the same time, I'm blessed to have an option presented to me that could further help me fight this battle. I feel like Obama with Afghanistan. I don't want to be fighting this war, and I want to withdraw, but right now maybe the best thing to do is to send in some additional troops. As much as I want to retreat, I also can't end this war prematurely. My life is at stake. I've been reading my bible and I've been praying on the situation. And I'm starting to feel better about it all. I feel as if this is the ultimate lesson in trusting God. For me, agreeing to a second transplant is like diving into the middle of the ocean...in the middle of a storm. I have to trust that God will enable me to swim through the waves and currents and make it back to shore - again. It's about faith and trust and knowing that I can withstand more than I ever knew. It's almost like He is whispering to me, saying, "I want to heal you. Just trust me. Have faith in me." And He's already shown me that as brutal as the transplant is, I can make it through. The more I pray, read the bible and seek his word, the less worried I am. I didn't expect to be feeling this well this early. I thought I'd still be bed-ridden and sick and frail. But that's not the case at all. I'm fine. And in a few weeks, I'll attend my sister's wedding. So I'm focusing on that. I expect the next few weeks to be good and exciting. I'll deal with next month when it's next month and tomorrow when it's tomorrow. Right now, I'm intoxicated with today. Today I was touched by the beautiful stream of support I've received from family, friends, and coworkers. And today I'm encouraged by my son's happy spirit. Today, I'm reminded that this world is good. I'm taking no thought of tomorrow.

(Matthew 6:33-34. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.)