2010

Had a wonderful Christmas, probably the best ever. We had a house full of family, great food and every gift seemed extra special. Just what I needed to get my energy and spirit up for 2010. I'm ready for 2010. 2009 ended with a life-changing event called cancer. But it's given me a headstart on 2010. 2010 will be the beginning of something new. I'm sure it'll be an interesting year, but I'm ready.

Things To Do

I have things to do and places to see. I'm just glad I'm feeling ok. I'm off to the stores for some last-minute Christmas shopping. Just finished my first chemo treatments this week and waiting for the heavy fatigue and nausea to hit me. Hoping it wont. It's been off and on and no signs of it today. Since it's not here yet, I'm off (just 10 minutes up the road. baby steps.) and I will be basking in the Christmas spirit today. Then, later my in-laws will be here. I'm getting excited. Pictures of mugs of egg nog and hot chocolate ... a fire ... and sounds of Jackson 5 Christmas music ... and family and food dancing in my head. Exciting! I need that.

Ok, so I guess I'm really doing this - I'm starting a blog! It's a little scary because I'm such a private person. But then again, what I've been given to deal with is not-so-private. I won't be able to hide the way I look, the way I feel. All of these things will be visible whether by close family or the general public. Hair loss, pale skin, weight fluctuations. I'm anticipating it all. The name of this blog is "Cancer Collision" because I collided with cancer almost exactly two weeks ago. I got the diagnosis, the surprise of a lifetime. Then came the tears and the questions and just a general blanket of shock that I still haven't shaken. I guess that's why I think of it as a collision. The online dictionary says collision is a clash, a conflict, a collision of purposes. This disease definitely represents a collision of purposes. My purpose is to win and to watch my family grow. My leukemia's purpose is to overtake my body, to suffocate me.I've been diagnosed with plasma cell leukemia. It's a blood cancer that's extraordinarily rare - especially for 30 year-olds - and very unpredictable. But I'm ready to fight. One thing that makes me feel better is knowing that I'm not in control of this. And that's weird for me to say because I used to like being in control. But in this situation, I am completely out of it. I'm going to fight and fight hard. But I know that it's God that will pull me through. He's definitely driving me on this journey and has made that clear in just the past two weeks. I have no idea what the upcoming months and hopefully years will look like. Hell, I don't even know if I'll even have enough energy to keep up this blog during this battle. But one thing I've already learned is to take things day by day. And today, I feel like writing. Ask me about anything outside of this moment and I will crack up laughing and tell you I'm clueless while I try to pretend I'm not a little frightened. At the same time, my life is in God's hands. He's already given me an army of angels to protect and support me through this. I've tried to understand why I've been asked to fight this war. I think He wants me to be even stronger - for my son, for my husband, for my family, for my friends. I know God did not create me to be a source of sadness. And I know God wants me to help bring others closer together - closer to him and closer to loved ones. It's a time of great stress for folks - the recession, the health care battle, lost jobs and income and the wars. It's also a time to celebrate Jesus' Birth. For Christmas, I'm praying that God gives me a story of triumph, a much-needed story of hope. And I'm ready to fight relentlessly for it. Welcome to my blog. Here's where you'll find my plot to beat this disease.

Maya
6:44 a.m.
Dec. 23 (My sister's birthday! love you!)